As 2013 comes to a close and I look toward 2014, I’ve decided to participate in One Word 365. It’s a website/movement that looks to change the idea of New Year’s Resolutions into a focus for the year instead.
My one word for 2014 is “present.”
I am clinically depressed and have an anxiety disorder, along with obsessive compulsive tendencies. I struggle mightily with control and my inability to know and plan for all possible timelines. I know that the coming year holds a move to somewhere at some point for some amount of time, but I don’t know when I will learn the specifics. Thinking about an unknown future sends me reeling into a spiral of panic.
So I am going to focus on being present. If I feel myself start to freak out, I’m going to do my best to remain in the current moment: to stay right where I am and not to descend into despair. I will try not to pull away from my friends to prevent the feeling of loss, and I will try to make new friends following the move even though I know we won’t be around long. And when I am tired of packing to move, or of my toddler whining, or of saying goodbye to my dear friends, or of not knowing where the grocery store is, I will remember that this too shall pass. The present moment is the only one I know for sure, and I shall revel in that knowledge rather than bemoan all the things I cannot control.
And when I fail, which I surely will, I will have the presence of mind and spirit to remain steady in my resolve to stand right where I am. In the words of my beloved Glennon Doyle Melton, I will “Show up. Be brave. Be kind. Rest. Try again.”
I will be present.